23.10.14

The Vikings Stadium / Star Wars Metaphor

Seeing the Vikings stadium rise up over the city of Minneapolis reminds me more and more of the Death Star from the Empire Strikes Back Return of the Jedi. It doesn't help that the stadium design looks almost exactly like an Imperial II-Class Star Destroyer, or that everyone keeps raving about the stadium's "impressive equipment." (Get a room, preferably a non-taxpayer funded one.) Or that the stadium development's demands for an elaborate set of space dock-like skyways only make sense if you think about Minneapolis as being a total vacuum. Or that there will now be a sci-fi-looking landing platform over the light rail station.

So now I can't look at the construction without seeing the (second) Death Star. So I posted this image on my Facebook/Twitter feed and then Michael asked whether bicycling around the city was Endor and now I'm wondering how far the metaphor can go!

Vikings Stadium = Death Star

Giant horrifying thing slowly being built. 
Admiral Ackbar = Mark Dayton

Somehow in charge. Eyes reveal complete cluelessness. It's obviously a trap.

The Deflector Shield = Stadium Glass

The way that that the rebel fighters bounce of the Death Star's (cloaked) shield is exactly how migrating warblers bounce off the bird-killing stadium glass.


The Emperor = Zygi Wilf 

Brains behind the scenes. Fond of maniacal laughter. Entirely evil.

Darth Vader = Lester Bagley

Mind control tricks. Threats to politicians. Menacingly touching tables. Almost entirely evil.


The Death Star Super-Laser = Brain Injuries

Instead of going around blowing up innocent planets, the Vikings Stadium goes around destroying people's brains.


Han Solo and Princess Leia = The Audubon Society

Both trying to destroy the shield. Facing daunting odds.



Luke Skywalker = Ed Kohler on Twitter

Deploying massive (Jedi) skills to constantly fight off an endless supply of uniformed morons. Fondness for mind tricks.


Ewoks = The People of Minneapolis

Both powerless, adorable, massively outgunned, like to shake things in the air.


Endor Speeders = Biking in Minneapolis

Because it's the most fun you'll have in the movie or the city.


Jabba the Hut = Joe Soucheray

Both repulsive and horrible. Like to keep women in chains. In charge of some sort of strange cult-like society in the middle of nowhere (Tatooine or Saint Paul).

BUT

In the movie, the people blow up the Death Star and celebrate around a campfire in the primeval woods while fireworks go off in the sky. In the real world, the Empire wins.
[Oh well.]


Update:

My friend Nate asked me, "Which Star Wars character would RT Rybak be?" The answer is obvious.

Lando Calrissian = RT Rybak

Smooth talker in charge of a city. Sense of style. Likes himself a bit too much. Sells everyone out, and then pretends he didn't.




http://tcsidewalks.blogspot.com/2013/05/donate-to-this-sidewalk-blogger.html


3 comments:

Brad said...

Love it Bill!!! You are the best.

Andrew Balfour said...

And the poor Minneapolis Ewoks are stuck cleaning up the mess.

Anonymous said...

No silly, it looks like the Jawa Sandcrawler!