17.5.13

So, You're Addicted to GeoGuessr...

Don't worry. You're not alone.

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OK, that's a good point. You actually are alone, technically speaking, in the sense that you're sitting in your room staring at your computer, taking a break between rounds of Geoguessr to browse the internets.

But what I meant was that you're not alone because that there are others just like you, thousands of others all around the world suffering from the same problem.  Geoguessr Addiction is real, commonly referred to as GA. And GA is here. Each day, more and more people become victims of GA, sitting in their homes, unable to think of anything else, locked in an endless quest to name the un-nameable, place the un-placeable. Something must be done.

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Where are these people? I don't know, all over the place.

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No, I'm not going to give you a clue as to their whereabouts.

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It might be a desert area, I don't know. It doesn't matter! They're everywhere, all around you. People just like you who can't stop trying to pinpoint locations based on vague visual signs. You're not alone, see?

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Ok? Sorry. So, let's talk about our options. The first step is to admit you have a problem.

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My high score is 11529, actually, thanks for asking.

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Yeah, I know that sucks. But were here to talk about you, not about me. I'm not the one with GA. OK? Can you admit you have a problem?

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Very good. That's the first step. Now let's talk about what we can do about it.

The thing is, GA draws on some very powerful forces, deep within human nature. It channels our need to navigate, to master space. It fuels itself on that feeling we all have, especially men, of refusing to ask directions.

Once they begin playing Geoguessr, people are drawn in by the desire to know, the desire for omniscience, the desire to decode the landscape. Geoguessr beckons to you by saying "All places are unique." It says, "You can decode and understand your landscape."

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See? That's what I mean. Well, the first thing you have to understand is this: That is a lie. Everywhere is just like everywhere else.

Don't believe me? That's where the beauty of my one-step program comes in. Using the latest in psychogeographic technology, I've developed a Geoguessr antidote that I call ApplebeeGuessr.

Try it out and see what I mean.


OK. Study the image carefully, and then click on which of the ten (10) Jacksonville, Florida Applebee's locations you think it is.

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See what I mean?

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Oh, you're still trying? OK. I'll give you another shot. Here's Round 2.  



See?

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There, there. Don't cry. It's OK. My point is this. Everywhere is the same. There is no trace left of the real. There's no there there.  We've replaced the territory with a map of the territory, and we've replaced that map with a very large Applebee's menu. No matter where you go, there you are. There are 34,205 McDonalds restaurants in the world today. Walmart's 2012 gross income was 92 Billion dollars. There's no way to win at GeoGuessr. It's time to move on. Let it go, just let it all go.

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It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You'll be OK...


2 comments:

Alex said...

My name is Alex, and I am a GA. Can't seem to shake it no matter how many Oriental Chicken Salads I eat.

I play the long game. I tend to spend a lot of time clicking around and zooming in every location I quantum leap into. I look at signs. Yeah, I said it. Imagine if men dressed in all black burst into your bedroom in the middle of the night, sedated you, and you woke up in some random location. You'd sure as hell look at a sign, too, to figure out where you are.

Ps my high score is 21000.

Anonymous said...

I'm a GA. Played about 5 games, one of them guessing. My highscore is 27482, I got to the point where with walking around I just find the exact same spot in google maps in another window and pinpoint it within 100 meters on GG. The closest I've gotten is 3 meters.