26.9.13

The Best and Worst Saint Paul Intersection Neologisms

In Saint Paul, there's an unspoken spoken tradition of combining street intersections into new words. For example, a lot of people don't realize that the Grandview Theater is named thusly because it lies at the intersection of Grand Avenue and Fairview Avenue. Grand + Fairview = Grandview!

Similar applications throughout the city include the lovely word "Marydale," the dubious "Unidale", and the less fortunate "Ran-ham."

A recent Minnpost stroll column and subsequent Facebook conversation got me thinking about this practice, and what its potential might be.

What are the best and worst possible combinations of key St Paul intersections, according to the rules of St Paul street name neologisms?



Saint Paul Intersection Neologism Guidelines

The rules are simple. You have to combine the first or last syllable of one street with the first or last syllable of the intersecting street. Doing this provides you with a new word denoting the neighborhood around the intersection.

Get it? For example, right now I'm in a coffee shop at the corner of Cleveland Avenue and Marshall Avenue. What would this intersection's neighborhood be called?

Well "Cleve-hall" is really awkward, so the only real choice is "Marsh-land."

Hey, that's not bad! Marsh-land has a nice ring to it...

Here's a thought experiment for you: What would you do call the intersection of Cleveland Avenue and Maryland Avenue?



Trick question! Gotcha! It can't be done.



Here's another one. This corner doesn't actually exist in Saint Paul, but what might you call the hypothetical intersection of Ford Parkway and Victoria Avenue?


Correct! You get the Ford Crown Victoria, everybody's favorite cop car.

OK. I've "ran-hammed" through all the permutations. Here are a pair of lists for you, the 10 best and 10 worst possible Saint Paul intersection neologisms. Enjoy!



Ten Worst Saint Paul Intersection Neologisms

10.


While this gets points for rolling off the tongue, I'm pretty sure it will crush property values in the Uni-Vandal neighborhood. 

9.


This sounds like a prescription drug for constipation or something.


8.


This thuds off the tongue like a stale Dorito.


7.


This makes me think of early 90s B-movie action movie hero Dolph Lundgren PLUS Val Kilmer for some reason. 


6.


This almost works, but doesn't work at all.


5.


This one is a real one, but just makes me think of the Uni-Dale mall (which is depressing).


4.


Yikes. Dolph Lundgren is not getting a good rap here.


3.


"Sex Offender lives here." (Sadly, probably true of this neighborhood.)



2.


So bad it's good... (almost).


1.

 
 When every city in America becomes Cleveland, Ohio.





OK. That was depressing. On to the winners!



Ten Best Saint Paul Intersection Neologisms

10.


Hey, actually I kinda like the Uni-dale parking lot!


9.


This just works so well as a new word.


8.


 Ditto. This could be someone's last name, and I'd have no problem with it.


7.


Very soothing.


6.


What you might call a Chinese cooking school?


5.


Another one that sounds like a prescription drug name, but maybe one to treat depression.

4.


A holiday where everyone throws rice at each other like in right after a wedding.


3.


The Ojibwe word for when you laugh at a pun.


2.


The world's largest piece of ham!


1.


This just sounds like a really good hug.

6 comments:

Kai said...

thanks for the snelby propaganda. I think "Selling" actually fits more in line with the intersection's future.

Rebecca said...

Where I come from, there is a whole region known as "Delmarva". I thought it was a pleasantly bumpkin name for a place for almost 18 years until I found out that it's where DE, MD, and VA intersect.

asad said...

The nice thing about the Uni-Vandal neighborhood is that once you find him (or her!), all of your graffiti problems are solved.

Josh Williams said...

"Snuniversity"

Bob S. said...

My vote is for "Rose-Dale". By Connie's Creamy Cone. Didn't even have to shorten either name. Now the question is best or worst - not sure there.

MJI said...

You missed Uni-Fry. Yeah I like shopping at the Axman there.