13.10.09

Zombies are People Too!

[A Zombie-American promoting car-free streets in George Romero's famous 1968 documentary on the subject.]


The Zombie Pub Crawl, which took place this weekend*, is a time honored tradition of celebrating for good sidewalk and street planning in Minneapolis.

It's a well-known fact that Zombies, re-animated human corpses, are mindless. They tend to move, slowly and stumbingly, in the vague general direction of brains, on which they feed.

What isn't well known is that, because of their slow-moving and heedless perambulation, Zombies make the perfect gauge of good sidewalk and neighborhood design. They wander aimlessly, and don't hesitate to stumble into the street. Being already dead, getting run over isn't a big concern for a zombie. So, if they can travel from pub to pub in search of brains without getting run down by speeding drivers, anyone can!

So, wherever Zombies dare not fear to tread, you can be sure that those streets have excellent sidewalks. Northeast Minneapolis, and (this year) Cedar-Riverside: if Zombies can walk there, mindlessly dragging their heels through the neighborhood, you can be sure that cell-phone talkers, children, old folks, and the distracted daydreamers can also walk these streets without fear of getting run down by a speeding driver. You can be sure that these streets are the most walkable, stumble-able, brain-dead-able, Zombie-friendly sidewalks in the Twin Cities. Thanks again, Zombies, for demonstrating good walking behavior in Minneapolis!



[Have you ever seen a Zombie drive a car?]


Update: It occurs to me that the ZPC is the pedestrian equivalent of the Critical Mass Bike Ride.


*It's a good thing Zombies, being already dead, have no need for the warmth of the sun. This year was quite cold (or so I hear).

6 comments:

Ethan said...

Hey zombies. Thanks for coming into MY neighborhood and fucking it up with your drunken antics. I had to clean up fake blood the next morning in my neighborhood which, incidentally, has to DEAL WITH GUN VIOLENCE on a very real level.

This evening did not promote good sidewalks. It gave people an excuse to get wasted, spray windows and sidewalks with fake blood, and be disrespectful.

Anonymous said...

I like walking on the sidewalks in Cedar-Riverside better when un-dead drunks aren't. They crashed our event (which was not on the crawl) and covered people with fake blood.

Bill Lindeke said...

Oh dear. Either I misunderstimated the depth of anti-Zombie sentiments, or overestimated the level of Zombie decorum.

Anonymous said...

Ethan:

On the other hand, there would likely be no GUN VIOLENCE to DEAL WITH if there were crowds of zombies/pedestrians strolling(lurching) around your neighborhood every evening.

Killjoy can't stand people having a little bit of fun, just 'cause some fake blood gets on the sidewalk or someone is disrespectful to him. Waah.

Andrew said...

Cool post and an interesting version of taking over the streets.
The zombies I am used to in L4D are much more like those in 28 Days Later and the remake of Dawn of the Dead, thankfully these were the much more domicile zombies, otherwise I would be afraid to walk out on this day.

JimO said...

Drunk driving vs drunk walking (zombie or not)